Bust Watch, January 8

After a few weeks off, I’m back to assume that everyone gets excited about the same movies as I do, and that the movies I don’t want to see will fail miserably.  The past few weeks have been dominated by Star Wars, which was predictably a megahit.  Two awful looking films hit theaters this week, let’s talk about them!

The Forest

I like Natalie Dormer, both as an actress and an attractive person.  So do a lot of other people.  Maybe this will do well because it has her?  Unfortunately, my interest in Japanese forests that people seemingly enjoy killing themselves in is slightly lower than my interest in the beautiful lead.

The film looks moderately creepy, but reeks of low budget cheap horror.  A mysterious skeleton looking thing?  Falling in a hole?  A missing twin (meaning almost certainly there is a twist concerning that)?  Nothing about the trailers make me interested in this film at all.

Fortunately, there aren’t any other horror movies playing in theaters right now, and outside of Jessica Lawrence in Joy, there isn’t anything starring a young, attractive actress that people know.  This has a chance to actually capture a niche market, and make up for what is almost certainly a tiny budget.  It’ll likely do well enough, zagging against the large amount of comedies competing with Star Wars.

3/5 Bust rating

The Masked Saint

I have literally never heard of this movie, yet it appears to be a wide release.  This makes me think it’s either set to bomb spectacularly, targeted heavily towards a minority group I’m not a part of, or it’s a Jesusploitation film.  Let’s check!

So, the director did some work on Trailer Park Boys, and the soon to be released Total Frat Movie, which sounds promising.  The only actor who I recognize in the film is Roddy Piper, the deceased wrestler.  The lead actor doesn’t have a Wikipedia page.  The plot is about a pastor who turns into a crime fighter, yet the website makes it look like a very serious Nacho Libre.  The website also lists professional wrestlers who’ve endorsed it, so maybe that’s the target audience?  Maybe I’ll watch the trailer.

Aaaand, it’s a Jesusploitation film.  It’s now Nacho Libre, except they take the religious stuff way too seriously.  Yet oddly enough, them taking wrestling too seriously and implying  that it is often real will likely turn non-devouts away from the film quicker than any religious themes.  They don’t even have any cool crime fighting in the trailer, which seems odd since the movie claims to be about a vigilante.  Show this guy beating up a bunch of atheist thugs with the power of Jesus!

Maybe it’s me not hearing about this movie until I started this blog post, or the way I laugh at religious films that aren’t remotely philosophical, or possibly the fact that they’re saying on their website that you should see a film professional wrestlers enjoyed.  Whatever it is, I’m calling this a definite bust.  Christian wrestling enthusiasts, prove me wrong!

Bust rating 5/5.