Bust Watch February 5th

The Choice

I love talking about a movie I have literally never heard of.  First off, I can be really mean to it.  Second, I get to guess what it’s about on very little information.  It’s called The Choice, and the poster has a guy holding a girl from behind while they both wear sunglasses and smile.  I’m going to guess it’s a religious film, with the choice being about keeping a baby!  And it’s based in California!  And the guy surfs!  Ok, let’s do some research.

Ok, so it’s a Nicholas Sparks movie without abortions!  I was way off.  But wasn’t that fun?  Looking back, I can’t see an abortion movie doing well at the box office.  This movie appears to be about not neutering your pets, cheating on your doctor boyfriend, comas, euthanasia, and horrible acting.  They leave out the coma/euthanasia part in some of the trailers, but it’s there.

The past two Nicholas Sparks movies have been his two lowest grossing domestically, and I think it’s pretty obvious they’re running out of his “good” books (or just adaptable ones), and are getting worse and worse actors to play the parts.  What used to be a Ryan Gosling/Channing Tatum role is now a Benjamin Walker role (he starred in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter).  It’s also telling that I literally have never heard of this film, and can’t remember hearing about his last film at all either (despite it having the wonderful James Marsden in it).

It’ll be opening the weekend before Valentine’s day, which makes me think it’s scared of any competition.  And I can see why, as the movie looks like a made for tv movie.  Nicholas Sparks’ name attachment may be able to put people in seats, but I think this has a legitimate chance for being a big bust.

Bust rating 4/5

 

Hail, Caesar!

This movie looks incredible.  Unbelievable cast (full of very marketable stars), funny commercials, the Coen brothers, and sprinkles of satire on the studio era of Hollywood.  Sure, the last part isn’t going to pack theaters, but everything else about this looks like it will.

I was expecting their films to disappoint a bit at the box office, since they do so many high quality best picture-worthy films, and not typical blockbusters, but the underrated Burn After Reading topped $163 million worldwide, No Country for Old Men topped $171 million, and True Grit topped $252 million.  Some of their other films did very well, and some like Inside Llewyn Davis or A Serious Man topped $30 million worldwide which is better than I expected (for films that were much better than they were marketable).  Part of that has to be how unbelievable the Coens’ films are, and of course having marketable stars constantly wanting to work with you helps as well.

I think the biggest question for this movie is if it can be their biggest hit ever.  The February release isn’t ideal, but outside of Kung Fu Panda 3 (which has a very different audience demographic, presumably), there isn’t much competition at all for the film.  People I know who have no interest in high quality cinema are very excited about this movie.  People who love high quality cinema are even more excited.  The only thing missing is having a minority actor/actress anywhere in the trailers, but considering Hollywood and America as a whole didn’t have the most healthy race relation thing going during that era, not having them in what looks like a comedy is understandable.  That aside, it looks spectacular, and I can’t see this failing at all.

Bust rating 1/5

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

So they’re doing this again.  Putting zombies where they don’t belong.  Because bastardizing the zombie genre isn’t enough, you have to fuck with period pieces as well.  Not that I love period pieces, but I hate taking what should be a poorly made fan fiction novel, and making it a movie.  My story about Deckard from Blade Runner finding peace (and love) in the Flintstones universe isn’t going to be made into a movie, because it sucks, is a stupid idea, and intellectual property rights are tricky.

But this isn’t about how shitty and stupid this looks.  It’s about money.  Zombies are a bit off of their pop culture phenomenon peak from a few years ago, but they’re still marketable.  Hollywood tried this type of silly genre combining thing a few years ago with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  The film got $116 million worldwide, but with a production budget of $69 million, that’s a pretty poor return after marketing expenses.  Even though it’s zombies instead of vampires, it’s basically the same film but with chicks.

I can’t see this doing much better than the presumably awful Lincoln film, and it may do substantially worse since there’s much less of a silly factor.  The only people I can see being excited about this film are those emo girls who cared way too much about looking emo in high school (and who I was oddly attracted to).  The budget is being reported around $30 million, and it’s good they kept it that low, but what are the chances this breaks $60 million?  Worldwide numbers will likely help, though they weren’t huge for AL:VH.  I just really can’t see an idea this stupid working.

Bust rating 4/5